How does a marriage survive four decades? Certainly, it is no easy task but-if like myself you are fortunate enough to have accomplished this and are still fulfilled, respect, appreciate, have fun with and sometimes squabble with the other person, consider yourself blessed. During this time, I find myself reflecting how I have come to be a member of this club, and I realize two things.
1. It is hard work. A marriage is like a roller-coaster; there are highs, but also lows, and what one must do is work through those lows, discuss them, argue about them and come out as each other's strongest advocate at the end-or walk away, and
2. It is important always respect the other person and his opinion. You may not agree, but still-you can not put down the other person for a difference in opinion. You must LISTEN and NOT PUT DOWN, and this is something I have had to learn to do.
Making a marriage work means being thoughtful and sensitive to another voice, another style, another way of doing things-and also appreciating that. Over the years, I have learned to appreciate or-at the very least-accept what I can not change, and I am always aware how important it is to COMPLIMENT, to SURPRISE, to NURTURE the person who is your mate.
I am blessed that Ira has made that task, in most recent times, so easy, because he respects me, values me, has fun with me, nurtures me and always makes me laugh. We make each other laugh. We enjoy doing thing together-traveling, walking, biking, but we also enjoy and appreciate our alone time, which makes the marriage even better-finding a space with the person you love, and finding your own space and world, too.
Our worlds are surely different, though given those differences we have managed to NURTURE and RESPECT each each other, laugh a lot, poke fun in a loving and never mean-spirited way. What is the good of being nasty and caustic when you can be good?
Our politics have brought us together. We were always on the same political page, but this new decade of moral decadence has brought out the fighting spirit in him. Ira is a moralist and a humanist. Who wouldn't admire this?
We have also raised two wonderful children, and our family now includes two terrific grandchildren. We have good friends, separately and together. And we are friends to each other.
Ira is my great friend who I admire, respect and want to be with. I hope to write this same piece forty years from now. We may not be traveling the larger world at that age, but our smaller world, when we are together, will be one which will bring be great joy, deep-seated fulfillment. And for this, I consider myself lucky!
Happy anniversary, Ira. Thank you for being you!
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