Character

What does it mean to have character? It means you have a depth that is extraordinarily multi-layered, that you can empathize deeply and profoundly. Today I told Ira most people can not.

This is not to say there are not good people in the world who aren't deep-there are. They are superficial-your classic "good-guys" and "good gals" who have a knee-jerk reaction to adversity. They mostly do the right thing, but in a very superficial way.

I grew up with extraordinary adversity; there was challenge every step of the way. I understood loss deeply and profoundly-loss of a family member; loss of a job; mental illness; illness; grief. I would not wish this on anyone.

But what it DID give me  is character-a deep and abiding sense of what it means to endure and how to nurture and care for people when the going gets tough. It is easy to comfort on a superficial level. But what does it mean to nurture someone who has faced incomprehensible challenges? And what if those challenges are not limited to one or two instances, but an endless barrage of grief and loss? Do you call? Are you there for them? Or do you just skip along on your merry way. A lot of people skip. It is easier.

If you are a person who does not flinch at this (I do not) and is not just good time Joe and Josephine, but has the back and front of someone whose life has been filled with hardship, but you are still there-every step of the way-then you have character in the deepest sense of the word.

When my Dad died, my friend Janet was there for me 24/7-not for the laughter, but for the tears. She understood implicitly that life is a roller-coaster, and sometimes you have to take a ride all the way DOWN with a  friend or a family member who is down, not for a day or a week, but perhaps for months.

There are not many people who want to get their hands dirty in such a hard way. But if you are that person, rest assured, you are admired, you are respected and your goodness is authentic. And it is the authenticity of character which travels with your throughout life, not standing with someone when things are easy, but holding up the back of someone who is struggling, and knowing you will keep on doing this, until that person can rise up again. Character.