Growing Up Poor in America

I am always aware that my children, a son and a daughter, have hit the lottery; so have the children of my friends. Not only were they born into privilege, but they have the gift of parents who have nurtured that with classes, schools, and emotional encouragement.

But what about those who do not? in the article "Growing Up Poor in America" in the 10/30/2016 NYT, it is evident that the system is stacked against certain children, who grow up not just without privilege, but without the basics: food, running water, a calm home. Imagine. Like the young boy Emanuel Laster, aged 13, who is in an after-school program for at-risk youth in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, who gets A's and B's in school, but goes hungry at home and the power is periodically cut off. There are so many Emanuels, and the truth of the matter is, these children, sometimes, have so many deficiencies at home, that those good grades are hard to maintain. Their very foundation is missing, and without the foundation, it is hard to build the building. Nicholas Kristof, in his article, addresses the terrible challenge of chipping away at the cycle of poverty. Talent is universal, but opportunity is not. And what can we do, what have we-as a nation-do to make the world a better place? Can we? We have to try, some way, for those who have lost the lottery of life.

Pulitzer Prize Centennial Poetry Celebration

On Thursday the 27th I attended the Pulitzer Prize Centennial Poetry Celebration, sponsored by the PSA. Each of the poets read a poem by a favorite deceased poet, and then one or two of his or her own. I just closed my eyes and took in the beauty of the language. What a remarkable experience to hear, for example, Gregory Pardlo read Galway Kinnell's "First Song", or Vijay Seshardi read Richard Wilbur's "The Pardon." I cried when Carl Dennis read Philip Levine's "Spanish Lesson," since Levine has always been one of my favorite poets. What a treat to hear Yusef Komunyaka, Sharon Olds, Charles Wright, Natasha Trethaway read  their work, and simply revel in all the loveliness of poetry. And what an escape, too, to celebrate the joy of poetry, especially in today's world when so much negativity is circulating. What is poetry? Positive energy, and it felt so good to be immersed in this!

Michelle Obama

When they go low, we go high. Michelle Obama, how did you get so elegant, so smart, so graceful; how did you get it so right? The evidence is there in all the speeches you give, but there is also evidence in the two daughters you have raised. I am trying to embody this principle. I no longer want to attack people I do not agree with; I do not even care to distastefully attack the presidential candidate I do not agree with. Instead, I want to continue to extol the virtues of all that is good and right with the world, since there is a lot. I want to GO high and STAY high, as a testament to all those cherished blessings I have been given in my life. For example, I am now reading fairy tales written by my students. I can say, since there is evidence, they just did not get this genre, but I can also say how marvelous that there is much magic in their stories. I often try to focus on the good, not the bad, but I can do better with this, and I will, even if it is by magic that this happens. Thank you, Michelle, for giving me this gift of grace!

My friend Addie

Addie came to visit from Austin this weekend. The wonderful thing about our friendship is we can be far away, see each other once or twice a year, and it is always where we left off, getting right down to basics and what is real in our hearts and souls. We are so authentic with each other, as different as we are. And we have our beloved routines-lunch at Dos Caminos, movies at Angelica, New Corners dinner, great theater. I feel blessed to have such a terrific friend in my life!

Vera Williams

So sad to learn the children's book author Vera Williams has died. I can remember reading her wonderful stories to my children, and how each one-in his or her time-would question me about the fire in the house (A CHAIR FOR MY MOTHER) or asking about how a young girl could create stories from her family or next door neighbors. Her books were focused on family, community, decency, humanity-all that really matters in the world. The thing about being such a great writer is your stories will always live on!

Excitement for RONIT AND JAMIL

Things are really starting to kick in for RONIT AND JAMIL, and boy am I excited. I have been listening to some of the performers selected to do the audio version of my book. I am starting to plan the book launch for the book, due out in February. Every day the completed book becomes more of a reality. And daily I pray for peace.

Know the Mother by Desiree Cooper
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Just finished the very wonderful, KNOW THE MOTHER by Desiree Cooper. I just heard Desiree read at a Brooklyn literary salon, and her warmth, generosity, humanity, decency and integrity just emanates from this beautifully written book. There are very few books I can say are so beautifully written, but this collection of very short stories has diction which will blow you way over the moon. She understands the demands of being a wife, a mother, a daughter to sick and elderly parents, concerns which are my own, now and forever. For example, "Leftovers" begins, "The sun warms the windowpanes as I linger on the edge of a dream. Downstairs, I can hear Cassie squealing like a piglet and Brandon is not using his inside voice. I should go an see where David is. He is probably inside on the phone with his office." The reality? The mom's significant role, even when she is NOT in the house, not tending to the children. It felt like every other piece in his beautiful book, the concerns were so authentic. Cooper's credentials, too, are impressive: a Pulitzer-prize nominated journalist and Detroit journalist, who was once an attorney. She lives in Detroit, and it goes without saying she is very preoccupied with issues of racism in the place she lives in, so place becomes very important in this book.

I feel blessed that I could read it and share in this author's strong and lyrical voice. A must read!

View all my reviews

Excerpt from INCARCERATION NATION: Part Two

"Though I have seen the very worst, I continue to be an optimist. I've also seen humanity at its very best. I've seen the broken systems, but also the beautiful people who endure and transcend them. Against the dismal backdrop of such evil, heroes shine that much more radiantly. Heroism is, according to psychologist Philip Zimbardo, 'an egalitarian attribute of human nature rather than a rare feature of the elect few.'"

And from this book, I feel hope and the possibility for change!

Excerpt from INCARCERATION NATION: Part One

Letter from a prisoner from Uganda: You are dearly missed by your writing class. Thank you for the time you devoted in training us in creative writing. We still write and hopefully someday you will read a book written by Wilson....very soon I am finishing my sentence. Greetings to all the inmates in the prison where you work and the university students that you teach. Tell them someone loves and prays for you. I pray for the inmates in the prison there to change and become better citizens.

Incarceration Nations: A Journey to Justice in Prisons Around the World by Baz Dreisinger
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Just completed reading INCARCERATION NATIONS, a book of non-fiction that takes the reader on a journey to justice in the prisons around the world. This book is a must read; I have leaned more from Baz Dreisinger's compact exploration of the prisons in the US, Rwanda, South Africa, Uganda, Jamaica, Brazil, Australia, Singapore and Norway than anything I have ever read or viewed before. The upshot? What we are doing in prisons does not work, has not worked and we are building, sometimes, a criminal system from within. The author explores what can be made right with equal parts empathy and intellect, and she also highlights the positives that is happening with prisons, particularly in a country like Norway and even Singapore, where the focus is on reentry into society. After all, if you don't want to keep building a nation of criminals, how do you begin? Dreisinger is herself the founder and academic director of the Prison-to-College Pipeline program, which offers credit-bearing college courses and reentry planning to incarcerated men. Clearly, the criminal justice system has to do something better, since what we are doing now just isn't working!

View all my reviews

Nadia Murad

Nadia Murad, who just won the Vaclav Havel Human Rights Award, proves that miracles do happen. According to the TIMES, "Islamic State fighters abducted a young Yazidi woman named Nadia Murad, her siblings and their mother from their village in northern Iraq more than two years ago. Barely in her twenties, she was separated from her family, beaten and sexually assaulted." Not only did Ms. Murad manage to escape, but now the 23 year old was named a United Nations goodwill ambassador, and travels all around speaking her message to the world: the need to protect women and children against these terrible acts of terrorism and assaults. She was actually a contender for the Nobel Peace Prize, and though she did not get it, her mission and words continue to resonate in the world!

Peace in the Middle East

Friday October 14 NYT reported that there is a meeting in Israel to forge a joint effort against religious violence and promote peace and coexistence. The guests who arrived at the president's home on Thursday evening included the chief Sephardic rabbi of Israel, the president of the Sharia court of the Palestinian Authority and two rabbis from the West Bank yeshiva. They are working for a just peace, mutual respect for human life and for the status quo on holy religious sites and the eradication of religious hatred. What a wonderful goal--the goal of my book, RONIT AND JAMIL. Such efforts are applauded and must continue in the same of what is fair, decent, correct!

Gloria Steinem

Gloria Steinem wasn't always a feminist. She was--once upon a time--a playboy bunny. Now she marvels the world. At 82, the founder of MS magazine, and inspiration for so many women in my generation who has written books and continues to write, is up to something new. She is working in the former Bayview Correctional Facility, helping to transform it into an organization serving girls and women. She says she will always keep on working, doing good. What a woman and what an inspiration!

Ken Thompson

I have found myself quite saddened since the death of Ken Thompson, Brooklyn's district attorney, at such a young age, too. What was so amazing about this decent man was he was able to work as an ally and an adversary of the police. He was the quintessential negotiator. His pledge was to restore racial justice to his constituents in Brooklyn, and he sought to mitigate the damaging effects of over prosecution, some of which were implemented by Charles Hynes. His legacy would have proven more good deeds. He leaves behind a wife, two young children and a community which mourns his death. He will be missed!

Yom Kippur Sermon

Just got back from the morning holiday service, and it is as if the rabbi was reading my mind. When I wrote RONIT AND JAMIL, two years in the making, all I thought about was, "I love Israel, I am proud to be a Jew, there should be a Jewish state, but there should also be dialogue: Israel is imperfect." This is surely no reason to dismantle the wonderful concept of Zionism, which my grandfather brought with him when he came to America as a Zionist and a Socialist, two ideologies I am proud to be part of. However, Israel's imperfections have translated, as the rabbi said, into a virulent form of anti-Semitism on college campuses. It is surely okay to say Israel is doing so many things wrong: building more settlements, using the military, not even attempting to work toward a two state solution. What is not okay is to say Israel, as a Jewish state, does not have the right to exist. Of course they do! It was mandated. It was a response to the extinguished Jewish population post World War II. And a Jewish state does not mean that others can not live inside. However, it is equally important to acknowledge what Israel is doing that is terribly wrong; not to give them a carte blanche. This is the essence of democracy and also having a democratic voice. Thank you Rabbi Timoner, for not being afraid to speak about a very important reality. 

Agent of Change

Mr. Abbas attended the funeral of Shimon Peres. How wonderful that he saw this as an opportunity to act like a statesman and creating new opportunities for negotiations. He acted in the best tradition of faith, since the Prophet Muhammed participated in his Jewish neighbor's funeral, and Peres is our neighbor.

Any act in the Middle East which acts as an agent of change is imperative as the only way to move forward.

Becoming Grandma

It is always on my mind, what good I have done in the world. I hope to one day retire and do something important and meaningful, the way I feel I am doing now as a teacher. Lesley Stahl in her book, BECOMING GRANDMA discusses a community in Illinois created for the sole purpose of rescuing children who were abused, neglected or abandoned.This community plucks these kids out of the foster care system. and the children are adopted into stable homes within a lovely, safe neighborhood. The neighborhood comes equipped with grandparents-senior citizens who have come here, as a sort of retirement community, knowing full well they will be playing the role of grandparent to one, if not several children. Not only are the children saved (of course, not all of them), but the seniors, many of them who have lost spouses or are alone, end up being saved, too. A retired school teacher quotes as she watches one of her grandkids on the swing, "Where would that child be if she weren't in this place? And where would I be? Probably vegetating someplace if I were still on this earth. I do not know; it's just so beautiful to see the little kids come here and do a complete turnaround."

These grandparents anchor and assist the adopted parents. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child, and working with children keeps you young and vibrant. It is also doing meaningful work, and what is better than that? It truly gives you HOPE!!!!!

Defying the Nazis: The Sharpe Story

Last week marked the beginning of The Jewish New Year. How fitting that after having a wonderful celebratory meal with my family, that Ira and I proceeded to watch the Ken Burns documentary: Defying the Nazis: The Sharpe Story. This is about a husband and wife team, Americans, a Minister and his wife, who left their children to go abroad and fight to help people escape. Though loved family members took care of their young children for months at a time, this I found perplexing, but I came to understand that for this couple, people in peril had to be helped. Margaret Sharpe started the refugee movement that helped children of the Holocaust escape Nazi France. I marveled at the wife, more than the husband, because she first went as an appendage and later took on the role of hero as a solo journey. Her husband was already back home. At the end of the film, before she died, she was asked to talk about her work and she asked, "If you could save just one family, wouldn't you?" I wish I could say yes as freely as Margaret Sharpe did!

Becoming Grandma: The Joys and Science of the New Grandparenting by Lesley Stahl
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Just finished Lesley Stahl's BECOMING GRANDMA. She offers some profound and some "fluffy" thoughts about the institution. At its best, the book is heart-felt, compassionate, anecdotal and filled with a poignant reality: a grandchild gets under your skin much more deeply than a child, since you are freed up from the every day maintenance and just free to love. She discusses the fact that her husband's Parkinson's disease subsided, somewhat, because of the sustained love for his two granddaughters. This quote really stayed with me: "I bring these girls inside the ropes of my private space, up against my heart, and hold on. It's a fleshy loving that's not sexual, and it feels so damn good." It is how I feel about my little Ella; I love her smells, her essence.

On the flip side, I felt Stahl's perspective was so privileged. She talked about grandparents dropping their lives for their grandchildren. Even though she has been a 60 Minutes correspondent for years, she has done a lot of juggling because these two little girls are so central to her life. What she does not realize is her life is a privileged one, and for some grandparents who drop everything, it is necessity. The other day, at my friend's wedding, her eight month old grandniece was present. Why? Her niece can not afford a sitter. That is the baby reality, and often grandparents are sitting because their children do not have those extra dollars to pay for a sitter. Grandparents sit out of love, but also, sometimes, out of economic necessity. Lesley Stahl's daughter is lucky; it seems she and her husband have reaped the rewards of having very rich and available grandparents. Not always the case for so many children, grandchildren or grandparents!

View all my reviews

Marriage

This past Saturday, my friends Elissa and Max got married. Ira and I were asked to write a blessing about marriage and friendship. I quoted Camus:"Don't walk ahead of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." Camus has captured the essence of what happens in a relationship when you are older. You are truly equals. Once the children, the domestic chores, the need to prove yourself at work have already happened, you are freed up to be equal partners in love, respect and friendship. There is no more tit for tat: I did this and you did that and on and on. The two partners are both free and independent people; consequently, there is nothing left to prove. Ira and I, in our blessing, elaborated the partnership of Elissa and Max, based on love, admiration and respect. They do not need each other; instead, they want each other. And they are fully formed people. In your twenties and even thirties, you are doing battle with becoming a person, establishing a sense of self, feeling confident and secure in your choices. This is such an evolutionary process, so that age group is often plagued with work and personal insecurities. And jealousy; others seem to have it better than you.

This is gone at sixty. I should know. I feel so confident in my voice, in my choices, in who I am, and I feel strength in that voice I did not have years ago. Of course, this idea of marrying later does not work, so you often marry younger because often procreation is such a motive for marriage. But you marry as an unformed person, and you have to struggle with your partner, who is also unformed. The divorce rate is often high because there are so many fights along the way as you discover who you are.

All of this is gone for Elissa and Max. They are two fully formed people, equal partners, both independent and so very happy. And I am so happy for them. I, too, feel happy that I fought the fight it takes to make my own marriage work, though the work was not always easy.

Ruth Bader Ginsberg

I admire strong women. All of the female characters in my books speak their minds. I raised a daughter who speaks her mind; she does not defer to men. What is most important is for a woman to stand up and be counted. One woman who has done this so well is Ruth Bader Ginsberg, who counts her mother, husband and in-laws as advocates for her to surge forward. Her mother counseled her constantly to "Be independent, be able to fend for herself, whatever fortune might have in store for her." Her teachers were also pivotal in inspiring her, to get her to think critically.When she was starting law school, and pregnant, her father-in-law told her, "Ruth, if you want to start law school, you have a good reason to resist the undertaking. No one will think the less of you if you make that choice. But if you really want to study law, you'll stop worrying and find a way to manage school and a child." She did. She got a nanny, at a time when it was not popular, but when she got home at four, she gave herself up to her child, until she went to sleep. This, too, I admire. Parenting should not be sacrificed in the name of a profession. And both her children, a son and a daughter, admire her as a mom and as a worker. But the best line comes in today's NYT who she has had such a wonderful marriage and worked so well on the Supreme Court, as well as other jobs she has had: "It helps sometimes to be a little deaf. It works in marriage and at the courts." Sometimes you just have to pretend not to listen-and forge ahead with your intellect, passion and privilege. Way to go, Ruth Ginsburg for your demonstration of what a woman could and should be!

Ella

My granddaughter turned two yesterday. She is sunshine wherever she goes. I know every grandparent feels that way about his or her grandchild, but I know LOTS of children: I babysat for years; I have worked with younger children and I had my own children. No one I know EVER exuded her gregarious, but sweet personality. She loves people, says hi to so many people, calling them man or lady, when she does not know their names. She is wildly affectionate, grabbing me by the leg, kissing and hugging spontaneously with such warmth and generosity. And she says I love you, from the bottom of her heart. This is clearly such a a loved child, since she is able to give love so easily. And she is very happy; she exudes happiness. Our family is so blessed to have her in our lives. Every day is a new gift with her and from her.

Happy birthday, Ella!

Apples and Honey

This past Monday and Tuesday was the Jewish New Year: Apples and Honey. I am not a particularly religious person, but I do believe in karma. Why is this so important? It is the superstitious part of me: if I honor my ancestors; if I give thanks to those who came before me; if I acknowledge my heritage and take pride in it, good things will come my way. I may not believe in a God, but I believe in prayer. When things are dark, I pray to some unknown God; sometimes that "God" is my father, now deceased. I believe he would not want for me to suffer. What parent would ever want his or her child to suffer?

I also believe it is good to reflect on what we have done RIGHT and WRONG. It is important to acknowledge ones imperfections and try to do better. I think of myself as imperfect. Who isn't? But as a reflective person, I can think about what I can do to try to do better. I may not always succeed, but at least I have tried.

Considering my formative years were challenged ones, I would like to believe the many good things that have come to me as an adult are a consequence of being kind, compassionate and trying to do better. It is Aristotle who said, "An unexamined life is not worth living." I try to examine my life, so that I can say-at the end of the day-it was a worthwhile one!

Jewish New Year

Yesterday was the first day of the Jewish New Year. How remarkable that the FEMALE rabbi addressed the social unrest in the world. The reason I emphasize female is because years ago a gay, female rabbi would be inconceivable. The world has changed and institutions have to change as a consequence. And then she brought up racism and the need for we, as Jews, not to be complacent but act as social catalysts to propel a movement against the terrible negativity in the world, and this begins with a fight against racism and the tide against immigrants. She asked Jews to rally and help fight this negativity, and I, for one, am on board. I do this with my writing-I wage the fight, but now I feel it is imperative to find more than words, but action. How did the world become this way, the rabbi asked, a question I, too, have been asking myself as we spiral in this terrible campaign negativity. It is time to act.

Shimon Peres

I have been reading about the death of Shimon Peres, since in many ways he represents the vision for peace I have in my book, RONIT AND JAMIL. Mr. Peres had received a Nobel Peace Prize for the Oslo Accords, which he participated in. He had a vision for a better world, a vision of Israel that faded long ago. He dreamed the two state solution would happen, but it never did. At 93, he was like a 16 year old idealist. 

ASF

ASF is sponsoring a series of programs exploring how Jewish-Muslim relations in the pre-modern era are popularly portrayed as a precursor of conflict in the Middle East. This is so exciting, especially in light of my book, RONIT AND JAMIL. Historian Ross Brann (Cornell University) offers a rich and complex portrait of early Jewish-Muslim relationships, one that is characterized by creative dynamics of minority-majority interaction. How exciting! Check it out!