My Three Munchkins

No, they are not munchkins, but they are out of this world special, each in his or her own way. They are my remarkable grandchildren.

Ella is number one, as in the first one born, and now, the only girl. Each time she sees me, she runs into my arms as if she has not seen me in years. She is wildly passionate, creative, warm and funny. Sometimes she seems wise beyond her years, and other times she is just a young girl. She always makes me laugh, in her stories and the way she looks at the world. She loves gymnastics and can spiral into a move in the middle of a conversation. She loves her beauty creams, but also reminds me, "to take care of saving an animal from extinction" when it is time to celebrate her birthday. She fills me with joy.

Jake, too, fills me with joy as the number two grandchild, and the first grandson. Though he is non-verbal, he has his own ways of communicating--wth his hands, his eyes, his board and his body. He, too, is funny, and makes me laugh because he has a terrific sense of humor. He loves when I read to him, and can listen to ten books at a time--too many for me, at times. He loves music and loves to dance to music, and is good at it. He has a special relationship with his "pop-pop," what he calls Ira. Jake is fearless, and when he goes on the rides with Ira, I feel like I am star-gazing at an extraordinary relationship.

Then there is little Levi, Samantha and Josh's four-month-old, the newest member of our tribe. He gazes at the world with wide-open eyes. When he is on his back, he kicks his legs in delight. Though he is so little, he, too, seems to love books and music and engaging with people. The word which comes to mind is delicous. I am eager to see what he will become.

I am blessed to have all three in my life. When I feel the darkness of these times fill my brain, I try to replace the negativity with the positivity of their special smiles, and I am reminded of all that is good, and why I should work extra hard to make this world one I would like to see them grow up in.

My Children

This blog is intended to record what is sorrowful, but also what is sweet, and in this landscape I must talk about my grown children. They are really quite remarkable, sometimes sweet, sometimes not, but always people I admire.

I begin with Craig, my eldest, almost forty. I love standing at the sidelines and watching how he is with his wife and children; in particular, in those moments he thinks I am not looking. I love the way he hugs and kisses spontaneously. Though he rarely calls (he is not a phone person), when he does call it is often to talk--and really talk. When I get glimpses into his open heart, I marvel at what's inside. Most importantly, he is such a hard worker, and provides diligently for his family. I am proud of him at work. The best part is the partner he has selected. We love Amanda as our own, and she is such a terrific yin to his yang. She is an amazing Mama, a terrific person, and she grounds him in remarkable ways.

And now to our Samantha, a new mother, a marvel. She, too, is a hard worker, and loving to a fault to those she loves. She is a passionate do-gooder, and this translates into a job where she is helping those in need. She has easy access to her feelings, and this is the way she consistently relates to those around her. She loves her family-- all of us--the way Craig does, too. Josh, her husband, is also a wonderful partner; they complement one another. They are both wonderful parents.

My children have been launched in positive ways, so they really don't need me that much--which is great. But, if Ira or I needed them, they would be there with open arms, as would their partners. And that is as good as it gets!

A Divided America

 Clearly, this country is so divided that East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet. I am quite certain if politics were left out of the conversation, we could chat amicably about our lives and the things we love. My husband plays cards in an atomosphere where half of the people voted one way, and the other half another way. The night is just about the card game, nothing more, and they can kibbutz and have fun. However, this division sometimes comes into play-rarely, only when someone dares to bring up a wild conspiracy theory that the 2020 election was stolen and the response is, "No it was not." Then everything stops.

This is what I know about the other side. Some voted because they like disruption; they don't want conventional political leaders. It does not matter that he has selected cabinet officers with little to no experience; hence, they don't trust government, and some of this is true. They also say that prices have gone up--they have, not realizing in recent months not only have prices gone down, but the economy is doing way better in terms of jobs filled, gas prices lowered and a stock market boom. But they don't watch the same news that I do. They watch Fox, deemed, worldwide, entertainment, not news; plus, they have been sued millions for all the alternate facts they have created. Alternate facts don't bother the other side, so they tune into social media to get their news. Elon Musk invested millions to feed the Trump campaign and did so strategically; feeding the two sides of the Israeli conflict different information, so each side would feel placated. He fed into the image of a "Woke" other side, depite the fact that Kamala's campaign did not dwell on some of these issues. This created an empire who felt the fabric of their communities was being destroyed--the books their children read; gender idenity; immigrants who were all taking over their jobs, forgetting we are all immigrants. Women (53 per cent of White women) fell into the trap,"Women, I will protect you." It did not matter that his running mate was so clueless as to suggest all grandma(s) could care for their grandchildren; women without children were "childless cat ladies." It did not matter that Trump is an alleged serial sex offender. It did not matter that he insulted women based on their looks. It did not matter that he said Hatian immigrants were "eating the dogs and cats." Nothing mattered but the macho and bluster he presented, but people liked the performance. It worked. He won over people in this election. It became a them and us in their world view.

There was no them and us on the other side. We are all a nation of immigrants, human beings, and ones who want to work across the political divide. The other side read newspapers and followed stations such as CNN, which reported news, which meant mostly facts. This side created a campaign that we are all Americans and we need to curb our guns, we need to aim for truth, we need to believe in science, people who stormed the capital were not patriots, women need to have their reproductive rights, health and safety need to be safeguarded, children need CHIPS and school lunches to eat, and you can't do away with a DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION because if each state does what it wants, all that red in the middle will be using the bible as a text, won't use texts that have even an iota of FACTS in them, will ban books in the classroom, won't allow the very diverse voices of America, including religious freedom (no, we are not just White, Christian Americans), won't allow marriages of Gay people, nor will it allow them to adopt the surplus of babies now that abortion will mostly be illegal. Also, social security and medicare are not entitlements; I paid into them my whole life. "We are not going backwards," was the mantra of the campaign on this political side.

But indeed we are going backwards; pity the children and grandchildren of the next generation, one where the military is coming to take migrant children away from their parents, even those who have lived here their whole life. They voted in a man without morals, scruples or character, and if they are poor and suffering, if they are women,  if their health insurance is taken away, he has nothing on his agenda that will help them. This divide will grow and like Jesus said, "forgive them father, for they know not what they have done." If the humanity and decency gap grows larger, which it already has during this campaign, I am not so sure I will forgive them; it might be too hard. He consistently showed what he was about--a charlatan, at best--and more. And they voted for him anyway.

No Man is an Island

      "Can you be happy when you see the horror unleashed on other people?" my friend asked me the other day.

        "Of course not!"

        "So what do we do?"

        "I don't know."

        I wish there was an answer. During these times, I think a great deal about my emotional well-being as we forge ahead to the new adminstration in 2025. It does not look good, just based on cabinet choices and alleged policy decisions he has made so far. Mike Johnson may say, "the popular vote indicates the people wanted to shake things up." Did they? Wait! When they lose some precious rights, what will they say then? And what about a basic moral code? How can one think of himself or herself as a moral person when the "other" is brought down--Trump's campaign mantra. "I am searching out the enemy within."

        I return to John Donne's poem,  "No Man Is an Island.":

                        No man is an island,

                        Entire of itself;

                        Every man is a piece of a continent,

                        A part of the main.

                        If a clod be washed away by the sea,

                        Europe is the less,

                        As well as if a promontory were:

                        As well as if a manor of thy friend's

                        Or of thine own were.

                        Any man's death diminshes me,

                        Because I am involved in mankind.

                        And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls

                        It tolls for thee."

       I know we have a broken immigration system. I know the world is filled with dissenters. But to imprison your enemies, deport millions of decent people, separate families is no solution. To be crass and crude in your humanity is among the worst sins. I remember proudly singing in elementary school a version of Donne's poem, "No man is an island/no man stands alone./Each man's joy is joy to me/each man's grief is my own./We need one another/so I will defend/each man as my brother/each man as my friend."

Yes, indeed, I will find a way out of the despair in the inhumanity that awaits, and I will defend, whatever way I can, my brothers and my friends, since this is what is means to be humane and decent. Isn't this what we all learned we should do early on?  THE BELL TOLLS FOR THEE--just remember!

    

Conclave, the movie

 In my desire to depart from politics, I am going to recommend a MUST SEE movie.The film's focus is on the papacy and the need to find a new pope after the demise of the current one, who apparently was a good, even great one. He had an extraordinary amount of  humanity, and was not trapped by the pettiness and politics of the papacy; in fact, quite the opposite. He was open to the changes in society, and moved forward "outside the box:" without corruption. In other words, he was decent and moral.

With an amazing cast, including Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow and Isabella Rossellini, it expores the undercurrent of politics in the papacy, including the fact that there is a right and left wing in the selection of the newest pope. Cardinal Thomas Lawrence (Fiennes), investigates the secrets and scandals of each candidate, as the college of cardinals gather in seclusion for a papal conclave to choose a new cardinal.

Did I say this was not political? I suppose I am wrong, since in exposing the treachery and lies of religious figures, what is startling is a real similarity in the way politics and religion are marriage partners  in distorting truths and the norms of decency. I don't want to give away what happens, but suffice it to say I weeped at the end, perhaps in a good way, but I can't share--or you won't bother seeing this wonderful movie, one with strong convictions.

Dear Kamala and Tim

 Now that the Democratic party has lost everything, I want to write a letter to you to let you know what a terrific campaign you ran in just a few months. It never, for a second, relied on insults and derision. You did point out truths about the other candidate, but they were undeniable. He said what he said that was dark, ugly and dishonest, but clearly it meant nothing to so many people.  At your rallies, people cheered with joy and happiness; I was one of them, cheering as I watched on television. You shouted, "We are not going back," a wonderful mantra, which I and half the country had hoped for. You gave new meaning to the flag; you made me feel patriotic. It was not your fault that the messaging of Joe Biden's adminstration was not loud enough. In fact, he did more for working people, and at the end of the day has done so much for the country. It was a challenge to separate yourself as an individual from a president you admired, as did many of us. Yes, he should have resigned earlier; this would have given us an open convention and maybe you would have been the candidate anyway, Kamala, but perhaps people would have felt it was a fairer process. But that didn't happen, so you had three months to define yourself-- clearly not enough time. But in that short time, you and Coach Walz filled the hearts of so many people with a vision of a brighter future where we were all working together. There are so many reasons the strong man won, least of all wonderful qualifications. I know race and gender was one of them. It is sad in 2024 that these things matter at all, but this is America. They can now have their guns and their derision and whatever else they think they can get. Billionaires and millionaires can now get taxed at a lower rate. The ACA may go, and there is only a concept of a plan to replace it. Already his potential cabinet is filled with wholly unqualified people. For my personal sanity, I will cherish the memory of a different world, and only look ahead to 2026 to have decency return to the political landscape. This is no fault of yours, Kamala and Tim; you did a wonderful job. I wish people had awakened to the possibility of a brighter tomorrow instead of what the future holds in store for us, and it is not good!

My daughter, son-in-law and baby on the campaign trail for the two of you!

More on Joy

 In Margaret Renkl's wonderful editorial in the November 13th NYT she states," there is no cure for grief, but beauty and tenderness can walk alongside it." This really struck a chord last night when we discussed, at dinner before the theater, what do we do about all this grief as we catch the government flip over on  its axis? My friend's husband, whom we adore, even went so far as to say," I don't want to talk about politics." I get that. We are all in our "golden years" and the erosion of all our norms is terrifying. Many of us, me among them, are talking about politics too much.It is easy to say, this will not effect me, but it does and it will. How do you remain "happy" when people you know, some of whom are model citizens, are taken out of this country? Why do you think you are safe in your financial cocoon, when, perhaps, your medicare may be taken away and a non-scientist holds the cabinet position of health and human services, and one who is  ill-equipped to handle the next possible pandemic or oversee the numerous agencies under his jurisdiction.

I think the response is, you don't deny the grief, nor do you dwell on it 24/7, as I know I have done. There are no easy answers, nor is there the "proper" way to grieve--tears, anger, militant actions, denialism. Renkl says there is no cure, but to not allow the "braying winners to turn us into impotent shadows with stones forever lodged in our throats would be to let them win even more surely than they won at the ballot box last week."

What she says is we need to tap into joy, whatever that may be; we need to give ourselves a respite. I spent weekend last week with two of our grandchildren, going to the Museum of Natural History with our grandson and the theater with our grandaughter. They are warm and funny and filled me and my husband with great pleasure. I taught a pre-k class of poetry in my cousin's class, and the children were so charming and deligthful that I felt the sheer pleasure of the experience.  Our youngest grandson is starting to gaze at the world with his beautiful open eyes.

Renkl goes on to tell us that "For me, there will be more watchful stillness. More walks in the woods to watch the still heron standing one-legged in the shallows; to watch the still deer; waiting to see that I do them no harm; to linger in the stillness of the lake itself, a perfect mirror giving back to the sky." What Renkl wants, which is what I supopose we all want, "is to remind myself again and again not to wait for the world to give me a reason to sigh with relief. I will give myself respite. I will remember not to keep waiting for sweetness and rest to arrive on their own."

As my friend said last night, "How do I keep myself --all of us--from calcifying during this time of grief and the stress that goes with it?" I suppose we allow all the feelings to invade us at once. We hug the family and friends we love, and take in the JOY and SWEETNESS of having them in our lives to hug. This is surely not a solution, but it does offer a small moment of grace, which in itself is something. Beauty, tenderness and grief can all live inside of us, as well as the blessings we have in one another.